Is a Submissive Supposed to be Scared?


In a BDSM relationship, adrenalin is a valuable tool as much as a whip. When a submissive is scared, he/she acts responsibly, also he/she is more tend to make mistakes. Besides, there are some arguments whether the real fear is a good idea or not for the individual’s life and welfare.

Fear is a strong emotion and it is the most common emotion which a human has. When we get scared of something, the most common reaction -fight or flight- is showed. We can either choose to fight or flight against the things we get scared. Fear causes a scene to be dramatic and tense and both the submissive and the dominant feel their heartbeat. Fear can be a strong tool for training. Fleeing from fear is a significant source of motivation.

On the other hand, the main problem with the fear is the fact that some submissives cannot bear with these emotions. They can lose themselves in fear and consequently, emotional problems might appear. It is not the aim of the submissive training.

The feeling of fear depends upon the idea that something unexpected might happen. When a dominant develops a scene, she/he does not do something that the submissive does not want in the beginning. In the end, the submissive is not supposed to be scared when he/she comes to dominant. He/she can be scared of the pain which is confronted or he/she can be scared of not being able to please their dominant, yet; he/she is supposed to know that her/his dominant does not hurt them. Does trust develop in a day? No, but it is to be overcomed in time.

Fear is a natural respond, however; in a BDSM relationship, when the idea that a dominant might hurt the submissive is thought, it can be harmful. When you stated the limits properly and you have safewords, the submissive never fears, he/she can show thrill.

If we summarize the topic in a sentence; the submissive might be scared that he/she might not please his/her dominant but he/she is not supposed to be scared of the idea that his/her dominant might hurt him/her permanently.


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İlişkilerimde zihinsel ve fiziksel dominasyonun olması gerektiğini düşünen biriyim. 2008-2009 yıllarından bu yana BDSM içerikli ilişkiler kuruyorum. Birçoğunuz gibi, ben de dışarıda bu yönünü belli etmeyenlerdenim. Yaşadığımız toplum, çıplak heykellere taşlar ve sopalarla saldıran bir toplum maalesef, anlamalarını beklememiz en iyi ihtimalle aptallık olur.